“You are so strong!” “I don’t know how you do it…” “I’d be a mess!” I heard phrases like these a lot in the months after Ellis died. I still do occasionally, and I’ve never quite known how to respond. In those first few months I definitely didn’t feel strong, but I also wasn’t bawling my eyes out 24/7. Looking back, I actually think that made me look heartless - not strong. I wasn’t openly showing much emotion, in fact I can only think of two people who actually saw me proper